With Herpes, Mr. Squidward. . . .With Herpes

           It’s 9 pm on a Sunday. If you’re not drinking, drunk, thanking Jesus for not creating you with a hair lip or making plans to vandalize something, you might want to consider giving all four a try. BBD wants you to have fun. Speaking of having fun, if you find yourself driving on a back road late at night, minding your own business, exercise caution. Some of us have been known to purloin church pews and lay them across roadways in the hopes that we’ll teach some lawless speedster a good lesson.

            I was perusing my filthy inbox (the one on the internet) and thought it might be fun to give you a glimpse into the private conversations between the band members themselves. It’s interesting to see the level of mutual respect and professional dedication to our craft. Here are some gems we’ve been saving for Hanukah.

-“Hugs and kisses. With herpes.”

-“This sumbitch just came up in the group chat window. . . .scurred the fuck outta me.”

-Q:   “We don't have a show for a while. How bout we do some recording today?”

  A:   “I liek Ham and Swiss Lunchables.”

-“He can blow my asshole.”

-“When they're not busy playing music and drinking heavily, you'll find BBD hard at work    stroking    their poles in seclusion to various genres of mostly amateur pornography. . . . nor does any member of the band look like they worship the fucktardedness that is Nikki Sixx. . . .”

-“But then I drank a PBR and herped so hard that I derped, and I knew I had found that beer.”

-“I laughed so hard that I crapped through my dick.”

            As you can see, it’s important for us, as pro musicians, to keep a level head and communicate our feelings clearly. It’s an integral part of Black Bourbon Devils’ working process. Also, our modesty knows no bounds. Never has our humble way of thinking been as evident as in this quote from our upcoming autobiography,

Hey, Smell My Fingers:

The Black Bourbon Devils Story

             

            “We f@#% your younger sister while drinking all the beer in your fridge. We are Black Bourbon Devils."

            

            Inspirational? Maybe.

            Erotic? Sho’ ‘nuff.

            Anti-Semitic? We don’t see how.

           

            Hey, anyway, thanks for stopping in and reading our blog! If you want to join in on the impromptu parties behind the 5^th Street Pub or an impromptu party pretty much anywhere, just look at our gig list and pick a date. We’ll be there with a corsage and a suppository for your girlfriend.

How Much Is The Fish?

            A blog for BBD fans.

In an effort to step up our stupidity and really drive it home for everyone, I’ve taken up blogging. For the longest time I was under the impression that blogging was actually some kind of watersport fetish sex-game enjoyed by people in the Czech Republic.

            Example: “Hey Filip, when does your maminka get home? She promised me a quick blog before dinner mealtime.”

            It turns out that blogging is for people who have so much to say that they need to shove their stories, ideas and opinions down everyone’s throat even when no one’s around. That’s me.

Fourth of July weekend, after playing a hog roast for some friends of the band, Jesse drank so hard that he defecated in his pants.

You needed to know that.

In other news, Black Bourbon Devils has several shows coming up. We’ll be playing locally and of course, we have S.L.U.T.fest in October at the Alrosa Villa in Columbus. That’s a huge show and we really appreciate everyone voting for us in the polls.

With the current local music scene looking up for the most part, we’re working hard to get our demo done (you’re going to love it) and book plenty of shows in the area. There’s been so much growth in the area that we’re having an easier time than ever gaining fans and having a great time. Back in the day, it was difficult to book a show in this valley unless you played four straight hours of classic rock or butt rawk covers.

Just curb stomp me.

But now things are looking good for all local bands. We owe a lot of the changes to Results Radio employees and the bands themselves. If it weren’t for the combined effort, things wouldn’t be the way they are now.

BBD loves you. Especially you.

Until next time.